A Very Unordinary Adventure

Long time no blog, my dear readers. (I've begun a medication of Steroids and true to my physician's warning, I have about as much energy as a toddler on twenty, five-hour energies). So let us begun, my captive guests. Pain. Why does it exist? What reason does it make us gripe, sulk, and even mentally shake our fists at God? If he created good on this glorious location, why is there suffering? Thus begins my personal connection (And reintroduction for the potential newcomer). Hi, meet me,  I'm Hannah, a seemingly, "normal" twenty-three year old, inexperienced medical laboratory scientist, surviver of two eating disorders, depression, a rare genetic metabolic disorder, and budding        wifey-to-be to the kindest man God could have blessed me with. So why have I resurfaced from the inky blackness of social media avoidance to shed light on this torturous topic? For the past three months, I've been not just frustrated, but outr...

1647, 4/7/2018 as I'm taking a break from studying for Microbiology Exam 4 a blog musing evolved in my mind. Muahahaha my mind is a big petri dish of mush. Survey question dear readers, How many of you hang onto negative comments for dear life? Analyzing and overthinking every careless whisper to intersect your ears. I know I do. Reader, why are humans like this? To magnify every insult and comment and discard the positive ones as if they are useless. And why do people wish to inflict so much pain on others? Why are we so adamant on being accepted into the crowd of normalcy instead of striving to be the unique being God has created us to be? I have a theory. Being different means becoming an outcast in a sense, trust me I can relate. It means reaching out to situations possibly alone because of what you believe in/ who you truely are. And it's scary! But why would you ever even THINK of following the normal route dear reader? Why would you live a life simply fo...

Dear reader, let's take a trip. Imagine... Picking up the phone to the words of, "Your daughter tested positive for a rare genetic disorder, your daughter has PKU". Your perfect bundle of love, a small sliver of heaven dozing in the sunlight, has an imperfection. A flaw daresay. What can be fathomed by a new mother of her second child?    So many things. Continue with your mind wanderings... Imagine being told at age 10 you won't exceed in school; "You will be average, with a chance of a struggle in mathematics and sciences." Reader, how can a physician tell a 10 year old they will not be intelligent like the rest of their classmates; with tears streaming down their young face in the clinic because of the catastrophic thoughts occurring in that still developing cerebrum. This is the root cause of why I struggle with thinking I am not intelligent enough for anything. "Pregnancy will be quite difficult". "...only 5 grams of ...

0705 I'm sitting here in the bleary eyed morning with my cup of espresso and a head full of stress and mind processes at a mile a minute. Yes, I am stressed. Yes, I've already had fleeting moments of doubt. But here I sit...er...stand in front of my dining table, simply beaming from ear to ear and I wouldn't change it for the world. 15 hours of lab. 8 hours of lecture. A week. Second semester "The semester of doom" they say. And I can see it my dear reader, new ideas and concepts being thrown at you from every which way, so much so that you don't even know which way is up. From 8-5 everyday, five days a week. The stress can be entombing, that's for sure, and I definitely don't always see the, "light at the end of the tunnel". I feel that through all this pandemonium, (being only a mere 4 weeks in) my God has shown himself in so many ways I never thought possible. Let me share with you my most recent encounter (today). It...

So. I know for a fact some of my fellow readers are curious about my new, human who seems to constantly by my side.(I enjoy it VERY much do not worry :) ) This is the journey so far... June 06, 2017 1054 CST Excelsior, Minnesota And so it begins. -Hastily pulling out my debit card and punching in 4 hours for my parking meter, $12 dollars gleefully sucked away to the governement as I round the corner of the docks waiting for my date to arrive.  I hadn't been on a first date in a while and it was easy to see I was nervous. - Dates hadn't always been my strong point. Easy enough to see being that I'd never been asked on a second date. I was nearing the point of giving up all hope on finding a future forever friend when I met this extraordinary man. "Caleb" -He smiled at me and introduced himself and I did the same. I had taken quite the liking to this boy because he was different from the ones I was used to being approached by. We walked along the stree...

Have you ever wanted SO badly to share something with someone but been so paralyzed with fear with how the other will react? All. The. Time. Story Time! Recently, (today) I was approached with this situation, as a good friend of mine poured out their heart to me whilst in the crisp fall air. Eyes anxiously watching of how I would react to what they were telling me and if I would choose to accept it or not. (I did, do not worry dear readers). It made me look back to how many countless times I've almost gone full meltdown before approaching someone with news. Sharing secrets can be... simply put, Petrifying. You're sharing something with them that you consider so sacred, so safe-guarded. It's showing a level of trust and intimacy between yourselves. So why are we so terrified to say things? Simply put, our culture is terrified to be judged because of the fear of losing that person's support. No one wants to lose their ride or die because of a secret. ...

In Out In Out In... Ou-did I remember to submit my term paper? -Cue hyperventilations- Hello and welcome to the never ending pit of worry, 2,855 mental breakdowns and of course that last desperate attempt at a decent GPA, I present to you; Finals Week. These two words whisking through the crisp, manure-infused air and is known to strike paralyzing fear into the hearts of many. BUTT You don't have to submit to the many whims and terrors of the dreaded 4 more days. Make a plan. Follow through with the plan. Slay the final. Become President of the world. Just remember you have lungs for a reason, so take some time for yourself this week. Inhale and Exhale, remind yourself you are not going to die from these inked, slain trees in bundles of fearsome stacks. Own It. -HP

18:00PDT Fun Fact. Want to know what our culture struggles with? compliments and superficiality in conversations. I'm not talking about, "hey I like your hair/outfit/yadayadayada etc." I'm talking about, GENUINE COMPLIMENTS AND QUESTIONS. This 'ain't your run of the mill "how are you" questions that are so often asked in the Midwest. These are the questions that probe the very emotional core of yourself. These questions communicate that we genuinely care about each other's well-being and mental health. I don't blame it all on people though, the other blaring reason is the all to familiar metal rectangle we carry everywhere we go. Ah yes, technology the bane of our existence. The blue light rays casting shadows on our faces as we scroll through whatever social media app is hottest these days. The average teenager spends around 9 hours a day on their phone. 9  hours out of the 15 daylight hours... That's kinda cr...

Drip. Drip.. Drip... Silent, regurgitated liquid emotion spills over my epidermis as yet another 'possible' relationship takes a suicidal dive-bomb into the sun-baked earth. I toss my now buzzing phone to the side and allow the sadness to engulf me in a silent scream, but only for a moment. Gather myself and my feelings from the couch and seemingly continue on with what seems an endless game of hurt. Love Sucks. But is it really love that is the question here? Or our screwed culture's version of love? [SO WHAT HAPPENED TO DATING] So, here we are back at it again with the blog post and about such an interesting topic, love. -But what is love? "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Corinthians 13:4-5   So to continue in simpler terms, love is not as our 21st century accepts it to be. ...

Mom's weekend usually involves shopping at some point and time. (It's a given) So knowingly enough my mother and I ended at Hyvee scrounging around for unique food when we came to the checkout. The cashier was obviously a little overwhelmed and had just began work as she struggled to keep up with the conveyor belt as I made small talk with her.  Sure enough it was her second day and I smiled and told her I'd been in her exact same shoes and I wished her good luck with the end of her shift. Without hesitation she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small stone and gave it to me as she said, "I hope you do this EVERY day."  The stone had 2 words scrawled on it in flowing manuscript, "Love Yourself". Unbenounced to her I hadn't been having the best day and this small act of kindness sprang tears to my eyes. God was definitely influencing her Love yourself. Such an interesting phrase isn't it?  So many would cons...

"How ya doing? I'm really struggling with my depression lately, I can't get up. Omg just get up lol." -Excerpt from my latest text entourage with a friend who shall be remain nameless.- Ah yes, that all too overused ten letter word that seems to strike fear into everyone;                                        D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N. Not many people know too much about it, once you have it, it's really hard to share with people that you do because that good old mental disorder stigmatism am I right?  I'll try my best to describe depression in a nut shell so wish me luck folks. So imagine the worst week of your life. Multiply it by about 2. Add a constant sinking feeling paired with that insolent voice in your head telling you that you'll never be fully happy again. And you're about there. Don't get me wrong though, depressed people still can laugh and giggle with t...

Recently I was inspired by a good friend I genuinely admire to start blogging and I guess I thought it was a great idea? We shall see, we shall see my online companions. So internet, prepare yourselves for the random and hopefully deep ramblings and rants of yours truly because it can, and WILL get messy. I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Hannah Palmer and I'm currently a Sophomore at SDSU pursuing a major in Medical Laboratory Sciences and a minor in Psychology. I'm a hopeless romantic and an avid lover of concealing my feelings until they explode and don't forget incredibly sassy and stubborn. This sounds so much to me like I'm filling out a dating application and I can't help but chuckle as my furry companion looks at me with disgust and infatuation at the same time and I love it. Give me a camera/running shoes/adventure in the great wide somewhere and a friend to gallumph around with and I could go on forever. I have a beautiful one year ca...