Pain, An Unexpected Blessing.

Long time no blog, my dear readers.

(I've begun a medication of Steroids and true to my physician's warning, I have about as much energy as a toddler on twenty, five-hour energies).

So let us begun, my captive guests.

Pain.

Why does it exist? What reason does it make us gripe, sulk, and even mentally shake our fists at God? If he created good on this glorious location, why is there suffering?

Thus begins my personal connection (And reintroduction for the potential newcomer).

Hi, meet me, 

I'm Hannah, a seemingly, "normal" twenty-three year old, inexperienced medical laboratory scientist, surviver of two eating disorders, depression, a rare genetic metabolic disorder, and budding        wifey-to-be to the kindest man God could have blessed me with.

So why have I resurfaced from the inky blackness of social media avoidance to shed light on this torturous topic?

For the past three months, I've been not just frustrated, but outright resentful at God.

 Why, do you inquire?

Let's rewind the clock of attempted forgotten memories.

It all spiraled out of control six weeks ago.

Pain, from the deep crevice of my cerebral cortex begins to inch its way into my life. Throbbing, unrelenting migraines take hold, never ceasing for a duration of two or more weeks. Crocodile tears and nausea seize my body in a McGregor style chokehold and refuse to budge. Work becomes torturous, with sizzling LEDs and normally quiet machines now roaring into my auditory canals without warning.

The bathroom becomes my only place of comfort, to emotionally "break" for five minutes before telling myself I can make it through the day, and collapse into a blobless heap of despair once home.

Que Urgent Care, an uncomfortable physician in the presence of tears, and two added prescriptions later, the diagnosis is reached.

My chronic migraines are a result of an extremely rare side affect of a new medication I had begun. If not retired immediately, this can result in a stroke episode.

And so with one problem melting away, another must appear.

Enter, extreme joint and arthritis-like pain. Affixing itself to my joint cavities much like a starved python to a sickly mouse. Cause; Palynziq, a common side affect and price to pay for the chance of experiencing food that has never entered my gastrointestinal system.

Suddenly, I'm "Gayle", 85 years old, severe arthritis and can no longer lift heavy objects or exercise without searing pain.

Fast forward one week later, the days full of salty liquid spilling down my exhausted cheeks and pent up frustration.

I can now no longer walk up and down stairs without pain. My knees cry out when unfurling my legs and my devastated body screams in agony with every use of a joint. 

The fiancé has to carry me to my vehicle after stairs prove too much at our good friend's wedding.

Despair grabs hold of what little happiness I had feebly clung to.

Welcome to doctor visit number two and our new celebrity guest, Prednisone.

Today is the first day, in three weeks, that I can walk without crying out, and bend my wrists without throbbing. The world is young, bright and new again.

(Don't you dare think I forgot the theme of this post, I just enjoy dramatic musings).

Clothed In Strength.

Neurons firing epiphanies clutch at brain tissue during this beautiful, crisp fall day.

"Pain is a blessing".

(But Hannah, why is suffering a blessing?) - Let me tell you, my kind audience.

A quote I keep close to my beating heart is, " God never gives us anything we cannot handle".

    And we have bible Celebrity, Job. (Jo-be)

Job was an extremely well-off man. Content with God, reaping the fields and a beautiful family.
The devil seeing this, essentially took a bet with God that Job would curse his name, even though a rigorous christian, if all he held dear was ripped out from under him.

Job endured the test of ultimate loss from the devil himself, the death of his family, loss of his house, burning of crops and became plagued with BOILS from head to toe. Job ended his trials in the dust, using a pot shard to scrape his wounds, cursing the day he was born.
He was consoled by three Temanites (Job's dear comrades) who elaborated on all of the suffering and heartbreak, calling him out for cursing the name of God, even while had being blessed with so many physical and metaphorical riches.

Why tell this story?

This story really puts physical suffering to light. Bad things WILL happen to us whether with like it or not, and there's nothing we can do to stop it ourselves. My mentality is this,
" It may seem confusing in the present time of suffering, but God always had a plan for us".
While it may be difficult to understand , people are worse off than us and don't know how to cry out to God for answers.

Pain gives a perspective that not all experience. Pain allows us to connect with others that are hurting with as simple as, "I've gone through that, I know what its like and I want to help you through it".
This temporary hurt, gives a special compassion to others.

This seemingly curse is such a blessing to understand those hurting, or as a fellow employee put it, "Walking in another's shoes"

Use your blessing.

-H